


House Of Blues

by Mike_t_k6



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Childhood Trauma, Coma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:07:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24407029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mike_t_k6/pseuds/Mike_t_k6
Summary: Murdoc is reliving his worst nightmare and can't help but want to escape. It all feels like he's surviving through it all again but is he?(Some of these are based on events in my life. I look up to Murdoc.)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I think each chapter will be different age groups. Some longer than others. This is my first Fanfic. So go easy on me!!

~age 7~  
I want to go home.  
I hate when my dad drags me to my uncle's house. They're loud, arrogant, and just awful. Thoughts fill my head as I sit on the torn up couch. It smells of weed, alcohol, and sex. Gross. 

The boom of laughter tears me from my thoughts. I look directly at my uncle and father laughing at each other's drunk humor. Hannibal nudges my side and leans over. "This is hell. We don't even get any beer." Hannibal muttered into my ear. 

I look over and see the grin on his face. I wouldn't survive this without him. "It's not like they would actually share when they can have it for themselves." Hannibal snorts at that and slumps back. 

"True." 

We sit in the same spot for hours. Hannibal telling me stories of the havoc he spread across his school. We both jump when we hear glass smash on the ground and yelling. "And that bitch is crazy enough to leave this fucking mistake with me!"

Hannibal and I look over and notice our dad pointing at me drunk off his ass. The disdain in his eyes. He always got like this when he had too much to drink. It scared me. 

I feel Hannibal grabs my hand to soothe me. He might be tough at times but he is there for me more than anyone I know. I look down at my lap and close my eyes tight. Needing this day to end.  
~~~~~~~~~~  
I close my eyes for just a second but looks like I fell asleep. Honestly, I don't care how I got here. I was in bed. Did Hannibal tuck me in? Is Hannibal awake?  
I look up at the top bunk."Hannibal?"

It was silent for a minute. "What?" 

"Do you think life can ever get better?"

Hannibal sighs. "Go to fuck to sleep. I don't want to talk about this now." 

"Oh...ok" 

~~Morning~~

6:00 am. Yeah, I wake up early. It's the only time I can get to myself. Silently I sneak down to the kitchen. One creak and I am done for. Now, where did dad put the kettle? I search the cupboards as quiet as I can. Ah-ha! I grab the kettle and fill it with water. Shit. Short ass motherfucker! I place the kettle on the floor for a second to try and find the stool. "Where is that bitch!?" I hissed out under my breath. 

"Dad smashed that thing. You know how he gets when he's drunk." Hannibal sneaks down the stairs completely dressed and steering for the door. 

"Oh." Dread begins to fill my consciousness. 

Hannibal moans and saunters over snatching the kettle off the floor. He turns on the stove and plops the kettle on the stovetop. "Once this is done I'm taking off. If dad asks and I doubt it. I went for a walk. Okay?"

I take a seat at the table and nodded. Once Hannibal wrapped up the tea he set the cup in front of me. "You owe me," Hannibal snickered and ruffled my hair.

I smile and gulp down some tea. The door clicks shut and the room is quiet. My stomach grumbles. Ugh, we never have food. I stroll to the counter and plucked some bread. It had mold on the edge but I just cut those portions off. I snatch the jam from the fridge and take a seat back on the table. 

Practically done with the remains of my breakfast but a thud and shriek break the hush. Well, the silence was long-lived. "Is that all I am!? Fucking bastard! I thought you loved me!"

I snort at that. "Loved" that is pretty sad. It's not the first time dad brought a cunt over. But they never stay for long. They never have. They usually get fed up or our dad just frightens them away. "Loved you?! How stupid are you!? Where in your right mind makes you think I adore you!?"

I jump at the sound of a door opening and stomping. Shit. I make the misstep of looking over at the stair and make direct eye contact with the woman my dad was with. She had tears in her eyes but the look she conveyed... Why does she look surprised? "And he has a fucking kid! Poor thing." 

She said the last part softly so only I can understand. "He doesn't come off like he would be a good father."

I shrug. "It's fine, I guess." 

She gazes at the kitchen and I assume she can literally see that we hardly had food here. She looks at me urgently and proceeded to look through her purse. "Do you usually have enough to eat?"

Every week was a struggle to scavenge for food. Usually, Hannibal finds a way to get some for both of us. "When we're lucky."

She gapes at that. "We?!"

Dad receives money from the performances that he makes me put on. Voice of an angle he declares. I don't know what that indicates but I guess it's good. Wait, does he have a job. I know he goes out to go to a pub or something like that. "Usually, my brother brings me food." 

She stares me down and I study her face as it contorts to resentment. "Two kids! Two! I-" 

Here noiseless outburst was cut short by my dad. "Brittney, don't forget your fucking whore shoes!" 

Whore name too. Her expression fills with alarm and thrusts money into my hand. "Don't tell him I gave you this. Get some food for you and your brother. Hurry up, hide it!"

I quickly stash the money in my pocket and mouth 'thank you'. Brittney smiles but flinches when my dad stomps down the stair. "Here."

Brittney rolls her eyes and grabs her shoes. Before she left she flips my dad off and calls him a 'jackass'. Then she slams the door. 

Tension fills the room. I gulp and manage to mumble. "She was nice."

"Shut up, dumbass." 

After that, the week went business as usual.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc gets sick as any kid does and you would think when a parent sees you vomit they would comfort you... Not Sebastian though   
> (This chapter is short)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got this from the fanfic I did on my Tumblr! Maybe follow me😉😅 king-mike1. But in all seriousness, this is an event that has happened. I don't usually throw up because of this. And when I do I apologize for a lot.

~age 8~

I toss and turn in my bed. I hug my stomach and whine. I shouldn't have eaten that leftover rice. Ugh, my stomach is jerking. I don't feel good. I get up not wishing to wake Hannibal up. A few paces away from my mattress but I feel my stomach lurch. Oh shit. I heave the door to my room open but it was too late. I doubled over and threw out the contents of my gut. "What the fuck."

I froze at the voice. Fuck. I look up to see dad stature in the hall with repulse expression. Looks like I wasn't very quiet. "I'm sorry, I felt si-"

I didn't get to finish. A hand clutched my throat and forced me to the floor. Like a dog, my dad screamed at me while shoving my face near the vomit. The stench was appalling and I felt myself gag but I hold back. "You disgusting bitch! Are you really this stupid!? Go clean that shit up, dumbass!"

He thrusts me into the hall and I scurry away to the nook we hold the cleaning supplies in. It was hard to clutch and hold things properly. I can't stop trembling. "Hurry up!"

I flinch at his voice not wanting to keep him waiting. I gather up all the supplies and rush back to my room. "Took you long enough. This should be clean when I wake up."

He trudges back to his room and slams the door. I continue to clean the mess I made. I look up at where Hannibal is resting. He was looking down at me. With a soft but harsh voice, Hannibal mutters, "Hurry and clean that." 

He looks really exhausted. Hannibal slides out of bed to the floor. I watch him at the corner of my eye. He had a bruise smack dab on his cheek. That was from yesterday. Hannibal had an altercation with dad. It was because of me, I had broken a glass plate when scrubbing the dishes. It was an accident! I swear. I tried to explain that to dad. But he warned me to 'shut up' and was about backhand me. To my luck, Hannibal got between us and told me to go straight upstairs. I kinda listen but I just went around the corner and heard everything. They were shouting. I couldn't put together anything. And then I heard a slam, Hannibal grunt, and a thud. I peek around the corner to see Hannibal on the ground and clutching his cheek. I felt guilty ever since. After clearing my mess I came back to see Hannibal lounging on my bed. He looks me in the eyes. I look away not wanting to meet his gaze. "Come 'ere." 

My eyes shot up and saw his arms wide open. I stand there dumbfounded for a second. "Ugh!" 

Hannibal grabs my arm and pulls me into his chest. Just that one physical affection caused me to let out everything I was holding back. I cried and cried until I couldn't anymore. "Murdoc I know it sucks now but we just have to survive until we get out of here."

I start to drift off to sleep but give him a nod. "I know. Thanks, Hannibal. Good night."

"Night, faceache." 

As I drift further into slumber. All I could understand is that we have each other to thank. We will do anything to support each other. No matter what.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an event in Murdoc's life that I can relate to. It was hard writing this chapter. I kept leaving and going back. I cried a little too. It was hard trying to explain this moment in his life because my mind blocked so much in mines.

~age 9~

"Don't stay at that diner too late. Dad gets suspicious. And you know I get worried."

I stifle a laugh and proceed to throw on some clothes. "I know but mama always has those delicious pies! Want me to bring you one!?" 

Mama is the waitress that fed me that one night. When dad was out getting intoxicated and Hannibal went with his pals to cause some commotion. I guess. She was assisting the night shift. 

Hannibal gags and dramatically pretend to vomit. "Hell no! From that dirty ass place. I bet their junk is made from human remains."

"Gross don't say that! You're just jealous because mama offers me food for free."

I smirk at him but he only rolls his eyes. "Whatever, drag. Hurry up and go get some food. I don't need dad up to my ass for this." 

I nod and sneak out our room window. Dad doesn't know that I go to this diner. Well, I don't think he even notices. I mean he does forget to feed us so it wouldn't be that surprising. When I got to the dirt I glance down at my clothes that I'm wearing. It was a pass me down from Hannibal. The clothes were hefty and torn in a few areas. Dad didn't really like getting me new clothes. Whatever. I hurry to the diner, getting excited with each step I take. I reach the diner and there was only one person there. Well, I expected that they rarely get customers at this time. The diner had a checkerboard fashion floor. With booths here and there and a counter with several stools alongside it. "Murdoc! Come darling take a seat."

I look up the matron. She looked young for her age but I know she is in her late forties. Her brown curly hair was pinned up in a messy bun and she had a fake tan. She wore dark red lipstick all the time. It was like her signature thing and she wore her uniform. White button-up, a white tight skirt that went down over her knees. Mama, she was... well... is the only mother figure I had in my life. I scramble to the chair in front of her. "Hi, Mama! What's new today?"

She ruffles my hair and goes to the kitchen and comes back with their signature grill cheese. Yum! "Nothing much. The diner is business as usual. But I do have a surprise for you. When you're done I can show you. Now hurry up and finish, honey!" 

Mama saunters to the back and I proceed to stuff my face. I peer around and notice that we are precisely the only people here. I get a really odd feeling in my gut. Like I shouldn't have come here. I shrug the feeling off and continue to think about the surprise. I wonder what it is, maybe it's a gift! Like a toy. I can't help the smile and flush appearing on my expression. "Wow, you were hungry. Weren't you?"

I didn't realize my plate was empty. "Come. Want to see your 'surprise'?"

Umm. I felt a nervous pang in my gut. The way she said "surprise". But I trust her. I stand up and she offers me her hand. I take it. We walk to the back and I get led to a door with a padlock. I hesitate and take a step back."Honey, do you trust me."

Looking into her eyes I see something. Nothing worth trusting but there is this one thing I recognize... Love. That's enough to make me relax and obey. "I... I trust you." 

She grins and proceeds to open the door. It was like a small break area. It had a rough-looking couch, a table that had coffee stains, and a counter with a coffee maker on it. The room's walls were peeling and covered in smudges. I slightly grimaced. "Go take a seat on the couch. I will be right there." 

Mama walks away and I sit on the couch. I'm getting a bad feeling about this. The unease starts to get unbearable until Mama walks back in. Instead of the uniform, she was wearing from earlier she had a grey tank top and a black loose skirt that went above her knees. She sits down next to me and may I say she is a little too close for comfort. A hand on my thigh cuts my thoughts short. I look at mama and she barely had any feelings in her eyes. Like she was another person. "Mama, I just remember Hannibal said not to-..."

"Hush darling. Relax. Trust me. I can make you a man. Your family will be so proud."

I feel myself freeze. She said that near my ear. Her voice was breathy and soft. The cold anxiety snips at the back in my neck and spread all over my body. I can't breathe. I can't move. Help. She shoves my body on the couch and starts to feel me all over. This can't be happening! This can't be happening! Someone, please help me. Hannibal, please help me. She starts to have her way with me I stare at the ceiling and feel the tears stream down my face. She kisses my cheek and starts to go down. And that was it. I think I blacked out. I wake up on the couch and look over at mam-... at that bitch, smoking. She was dressed and I was naked now. I had a few flashes of what happened. I felt my stomach drop. And fresh new tears spill down my face. "Awake now honey. You can see your way out, right?" 

She snickers and left not even waiting for me to answer. What time is it? I look up at the clock. Io got here at 9 pm. It was now 12-... Fuck! Shit! I get up and throw on my clothes. I felt dirty. Disgusting. I run out of the diner and hurry back to the house. I sneak through the window and collapse on the floor. "Where the fuck we're you!? It's fucking 12!" 

I didn't even answer, I laid there for a second not wanting to exist. "Murdoc?! Answer me."

Instead, of responding I just ran into his arms and cried. I didn't care who it was Hannibal or dad. I just needed someone to hold me. "Hey hey. Quiet down. It's okay. Murdoc what happened?"

"I need a shower." 

I try to walk away but Hannibal grabs my elbow. "Listen, I ain't no detective but I don't think you're little episode is over needing a fucking shower. Tell me what happened."

"I don't want to talk about it. Please." 

I couldn't control the tears. The build-up was too much and I had to let then go. "I just need a shower. Please. Just let go of me."

Hannibal gaps at me and his eyes turn soft. But then became stern. "Who gave you those hickies."

I look away. I didn't even give him the satisfaction of an answer. "For fuck sakes!"

He yanks me towards him and rips off my shirt. "Shit. Who... Who did this?"

I didn't even get to peek at my body. I didn't want to recollect what occurred. "Shit, they fucked you up. Teeth marks, even scratches. Murdoc..."

Hannibal looks over and saw my tears. I had a faraway gaze. Like I wasn't in the same universe. Panic fills Hannibal's gaze and he lets me go. "I'm sorry. Go shower. I'll get your clothes." 

I trudge to the shower. The world around me does feel real. Like a part of me was taken. I don't want to remember today. I want to forget this ever happened. I feel a new rush of tears drop against my cheek. I shed my leftover clothes. And I don't dare peer in the mirror. I shift on the shower and just collapse on the floor. I don't dare move, I allow the water hit my skin. But the space around me began to feel cold and tight. My throat felt like it was shutting, and my mind started to feel fuzzy. Dirty. I feel dirty, I need to get this filth off! I grab the soap and just tried to get the dirt off. That night I scrub and cried for hours. 

After today I couldn't honestly get the dirt off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sending your son to get your drugs. #1 dad!! But then you don't trust him!   
> TW: KID NUDITY, DRUGS, ABUSE, KIDS DRINKING, AND SMOKING.

~age 10~

"Hannibal, did you get them?"

Hannibal walked into the room in a bitter manner. He strolls over with a bag and heaved it to Murdoc. "The gummy bears are mine." Hannibal scoffed while plopping down next to me. 

I grin and dug through the bag. I pick up the pack of cigs and beer. "You're the best." I took out one cig and lit it.

Hannibal snatches the Gummies and beer. "So, when did you start smoking and drinking, faceache." I shrugged off the question and grabbed my lighter. 

I inhale the addictive smoke and go over to the open window to exhale. "Please, I rather just relax then answer questions. Now pass me a beer." Hannibal tossed a can and opens one for himself.

I open the can and take a sip. The feeling of the cool liquid was amazing. My gaze drifts to Hannibal. "Murdoc!" I jump, quickly put out the cigarette and place the can on the window sill. 

I scramble out of the room almost tripping. Dad doesn't like it when we take longer to get to him. I skidded into the living room and saw dad resting on his recliner. I stand in front of him and tried not to breathe too loud. "I need you to do me a favor." Sebastian paces over to the window and points to a black car with dim windows.

It had dents and I think bullet marks... Weird. "I'm gonna give you money and all you have to do is go over to that car. And say 'Aunt Nora'. They will know what you mean and once you get the stuff. Come back promptly. Okay?"

I nod slowly. "O-Kay." Sebastian hissed out and thrust the money into my hand.

I take the cash and choked out an 'Okay'. I scurried to the front and gradually went up to the car's window. 

Fucking hell. Usually, Hannibal does this. I tap on the window. I feel the hair on my neck stand. The window rolls down just a little. "Who?" The voice was deep and smooth. 

I feel my throat starting to close up and I shiver at the sudden coolness. We sit there in silence. Maybe a little too long. "Holy shit, kid! What the fuck you want?" I jump and finally found my voice. 

"A-Aunt Nora." I feel light-headed. 

The man grunts and sticks his hand out. I assume he wants the money and I hand it to him. Silence falls over us again and I stand there awkwardly. "Okay, here you go bud. Now get out!" 

He gave me a bag of something white. It looks like powder sugar. I look up and rush back inside. I slam the door shut and went to the living room to give dad the stuff. "Dad I got- " He snatches the bag from hand and started to... weigh...it?

"Is this all of it?" I stood there dumbfounded and took a step back.

I didn't notice this before but he's drunk. Shit. "I think." I tried to walk away but a hand grabbed me.

"Are you fucking lying?" I start to feel a lump in my throat and my stomach drop. 

"N-No." 

He drags me over and checks my pockets. I thought that was the end of it. I was wrong. He didn't look satisfied."Strip." I felt myself get dizzy and I felt so nauseous. 

"...W-what?"

"Show me that you're not lying and strip! NOW!" I wish for anything....just anything out there to make this stop. I can't help the rush of tears while I start to take off my clothes.

I was shaking so hard. It was hard to even grip my clothes. Once fully bare, I cover my crotch with my hands. Dad starts to walk around me but stops in front of me. He grabs my hands and moves them away. I snatch my hands back and shouted, "STOP!" I couldn't hold back but I realized my mistake.

One thing led to another I was on the floor. I look up to see dad's hand in a fist and I put my fingers to my lips. It throbbed in pain. When I took my hand away it had blood. He busted my fucking lip! He punched me! I felt my blood boil and everything went red. I just remembered throwing the closest thing I got my hands on at him... A shoe... A fucking shoe. Death sentence at this point. "shit."

I get up and began running. Not even looking back to see if he was even chasing me. Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! I made it to my room and slam the door shut. I look at Hannibal breathlessly and tearful. "Why are...you naked?"

Hannibal took a second and you can see the gears turning in his head. But quickly stop when we heard stomping and dad yelling my name. Hannibal looks me in the eyes with gravity. "Go to the closet," Hannibal whispered and hid all the stuff he got from the drug store. 

Everything sounded muffled and slow. I took what Hannibal said and scrambled to the wardrobe. Lady luck was on my side, we usually kept blankets in here and that gave me a great hiding spot. I snicker as I bury myself under the sheets. I tried to slow done my breathing so he wouldn't hear me. It passed a second before I heard the door to our room open. I couldn't gather what they were saying, Hannibal and Dad are calmly talking... How does Hannibal keep him so mellow? I lean into the door. I could only make out the last fraction of there conversation. "Come on, Dad. Let's get you to your room so you can relax." And then the door shut. Are they gone? 

I crack the closet door open just a smidge. They were gone. I slip out of the compartment and looked around for the beer I didn't finish. I needed to forget this day. Ha, found it. I grab the can from under the bed and take a big swig. I didn't even bother putting on clothes. "Fuck this." I take another gulp and plop onto my bed. 

The door creaks open and I look up horrified. Hannibal stubbles in and close the door. We just stare at each other in a hush. But Hannibal didn't let that last. "Are you okay?" 

"I don't know." 

Hannibal sighs and drops questioning. "Dad is asleep. So you're good for today. Want to talk about it." I didn't answer, just kept drinking.

I felt my mind get fuzzy. 

~~~~~~~~~

I open my eyes and wince at the brightening room. What happened? I don't know when I fell asleep but I didn't move. I didn't want to move. I just spent the day in bed, not even leaving the room.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Child abuse, but Hannibal comes to comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to base Hannibal and Murdoc's sibling dynamic like me and my older sister. We have been through a lot but we survived because of each other.

~Age 11~

Finally! Taking up any job I can get while not being the legal age was worth the wait, to save up enough money to get a bass! I caress the smooth polish of the body. This seems so surreal. I can't let dad find out about this. All this hard labor would be for nothing then! "What the hell..."

How did I forget that our room doesn't have a lock?! I slowly turn to my lovely brother and indisputably give him the warmest welcome. "For fucks sakes! Shut the door! You don't know when dad will be back!" Every word left my lips with a considerable amount of venom. 

Nothing, Hannibal stared for just a second and let out a long (and when I mean long... I mean long!) Sigh.   
The door shuts with no motivation what so ever."I'm really getting tired of this shit. But I really must ask... How did you get that shit?" Hannibal mumbled gesturing to amp and bass. 

A smirk bloom on my face and I stand proudly. "I bought it with my own money! Remember the times I stayed after school." 

Silence. Hannibal nodded and walk past me. "So you have a job-..."

"Multiple Jobs! Not just one. These babies are all from hard work!" Said like a guy that won a lottery. 

"Pfft, You sound like a prick. How are you going to learn to play?" My gazed drift over to Hannibal but I didn't know how to answer. 

With no idea on the matter, I said the only thing I can think of. "Don't worry your stupid little head. I can figure out any problem that comes across my life." He didn't like the answer.

The silent tension grew ever so slowly. But a sigh from Hannibal broke it. "Look I'm staying the night at my friend's house. You're going to be here alone with dad but lucky for you he went to the pub. Hopefully, he stays there for the night just getting wasted." His gaze turns to a faraway look like he was in deep thought.

He is acting strange, I wonder what's he thinking about? "Stay safe. Stay in the room, if you need something to eat I stashed some snacks in the closet. Okay?" 

Dad has been going to the pub frequently, luckily he doesn't bring me to those pubs anymore. He uses to force me to be in these contests to get money for drinks. He made me dress in a Pinocchio costume, just to sing and dance like an idiot. "Yeah, but why do I always have to stay in the room. It's not like he can't get in. He took the lock from our door years ago. This night can't be this boring." Hannibal shrugs and grabs a duffle bag from the corner of the room. 

"It gives you time to practice in solitude." The grin in his expression was so waspish. 

"Whatever, just go. I can take care of myself." 

~Time Past- midnight~

The bed dipped from my weight as I lay down in sweat. The bass is heavier than I thought it was, but I'll get used to it. It took me a while to tune it. Well, I hope I did it right. The house shook and I sprang up from the sound of the front door slamming open. For a while, I sit there trying to figure out if it was Hannibal getting home early from a horrible hangout, a Robber, or... Dad. But I figure it out when I heard dad's muttering in the hall where my room is. "Where is my bloody stash?"

Oh no. Call this what you want. Trigger word. Codeword. All you need to know is he is going to check everywhere for his "stash". This kind of drunk outburst is very rare but when it happens our room ends up trash and destroyed. I froze from my the sound of my doorknob being messed with. It won't take him long to open the door, so I did what I could do at this moment. I hid under my blanket. Seriously how stupid can I be? I know this raggy old blanket won't protect me. The door to the room swings open and I hope he doesn't interact with me. Then it dawns on me when I hear, "What the fuck is this?" My bass...

I hold back saying anything but yelped when I heard a crash. I knew exactly what it was. Tears stream down my face, knowing fully well that I can't do anything about it. I really did try to stay quiet but a hiccup escapes my lips and everything went quiet. It feels like an eternity before feeling a hand grab my leg and pull me from my bed. I felt the sting of my body slamming onto the hardwood floor. I let out a whimper and look up to catch a glimpse of dad's glaring gaze. A violent cough force it's way out of my lips as he kicks me on the stomach. I curl up as he continues to kick me. "Did you really think I wouldn't see you under those fucking covers? Just like your stupid mom! I fucking hate that you look like her! Always have to see her fucking bloody face!"

This lasts for a couple of minutes until... I guess he got tired and left. I lay on the floor, the pain was too much to get up. My tears dried up and my head pounded like someone was stabbing me in the head. I close my eyes and wish for a different life.

~~~~~~~

I start to wake up and feel like I'm floating. I open my eyes to see that I'm in a bath. The warm water felt wonderful on my sore body. The water splashed from my sudden movement to sit up and gaze down to see my bruised naked body. "H-how did I get here?" 

"I carried you here. Baths help soothe the body when you're in pain. Dad went out to the bar again so we have time to go out." Hannibal walks into the bathroom with some clothes. 

"Why did you leave me!?" The words came rushing out. I shook from animosity, while I begin to mewl.

Frustration began to settle, I have never shown this much vulnerability. I felt betrayed. I felt hurt and empty. "You little git! I didn't-..." Hannibal stops to take a deep breath and continues. 

"I didn't know this was going to happen. If I did I would have stopped him. I'm sorry, Murdoc." Hannibal's voice was laced with pity. 

From the look of it, he looked like he was about to cry too but didn't. I think he's trying to act tough. "Why does dad hate me?"

Hannibal glance at me stunned. Slowly he walks over to me and kneels beside me. "I love you, face-ache."

"I seriously doubt that. I annoy you and I'm such a bother." The wall became so interesting as I stare not really wanting to hear his response.

I jump at a burst of laughter. "Well, yeah! You're my little brother, of course, you can be annoying but I do love you." Hannibal lays his hand on my shoulder but I tense up at the contact.

He attracts his hand back and Hannibal apologizes. "Look don't let that sadistic bastard get to you! He can bloody sod off. Now get dressed. I'm taking you to work with me." 

Hannibal started working once he turned 16. He took on the role of paying rent and food. He would always come home tired and grumpy so I try not to be a pain in the arse. Once I was fully clothed, I took one stepped and felt my body ache. I walked with a slight limp and I tried not to walk too fast. "Take it easy, half-wit." We continue out the door and walked to the store he worked at. 

~~~~~~~~

I watch as my brother continues to restock products. It didn't really take him long to convince his hirer to let me stay and follow him for a day. I just can't go distracting him from his job. So I just watch him. He is such a hard worker. I guess he had to grow up faster because of me. Shit, now I feel guilty. But I don't want to be at home with dad alone. "Can I come to work with more often." 

Hannibal stops stocking and looks over bewildered but his expression shifts to fondly glance at me. "Sure, face-ache."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc makes a friend!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might be changing up the format of the chapters. 😅

~Age 12~

No matter what I couldn't get enough money to buy a new bass and amp. It's not that there were not a lot of jobs not wanting to hire a kid but when I do get my money and hide it away, I always find it gone. I don't know who keeps stealing it. Hannibal? Dad? I couldn't catch them in the act. So I don't know who to accuse. I lay in my bed sour and contemplating if I should go to school. Life wasn't going very good and the feeling of dread keeps setting in. I couldn't sleep and I know I have to get up in a few. When sleeping really seems out of the question I just went and got ready. "For fuck sakes." I slide out of bed and into the washroom.

~~~~~~

This uniform so shitty! The collar of the button up always feels like it's choking me. I attempted to tug the tie and collar to see if I can get it to feel a little comfortable. "Screw this!" I loosen the tie and rip the first two buttons off.

I stomp out of my room and into the kitchen where Hannibal was drinking coffee. He tuts, pointing to another cup on the table. I plop on a chair and take the cup in my hands. I sip warm bitter tea. A satisfied sigh leaves my lips. "Hurry up, you have five minutes. We don't need you to be late for school." I nod and finish the remains of my tea.

Hannibal has always been a parental figure in my life. Sometimes we get into a scuffle but he really does take care of me. "Done." With no hesitation, Hannibal grabs a coat and gestures for me to follow.

There must be a way to skip school. I run-up to my punk-ass brother and look up to him. He won't even look at me. "Can I just skip school?" Hannibal gives me a lazy gaze and grabs me by the arm... Roughly.

I wince at the gesture. "Hey! For the love of Satan let go of me!" Han gave me one more tug and kneels down to my height.

"Don't you dare try to get out of school! You don't want to end up like me or dad! You're going to go to school and become successful or whatever." He continues to walk and I slowly follow. 

Something seems to dawn on him because he looks at me with an ugly smirk. He is such an ugly wanker. "If you actually go to school, I can pick you up with a surprise I've been working on." I look to him with distrust but agreed anyway. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The halls filled with slimy kids. Everybody knew my family and I can say the least they despised us. It's hard to make friends when they knew your scum of a dad and your unlawful brother. Well, I didn't just hate the kids, the school on its own was crappy looking, it looked like not a single person tried to fix it in years. I walked by a broken window a second ago! I didn't realize I was dozing off until I collide with... Something?... No, Someone. "What the hell, prick!? Watch where you're going!" I hit the floor hard and excepted the fact I might have a bruise.

The voice belonged to a girl but not any girl. She looked new, she's tan, eyes light brown and her hair was shaved on the sides but had a curly mohawk. My eyes couldn't help wonder to her piercings. Cool. Snakebite lip, eyebrow stud, and along her ears were pierced. Okay, I can tell I was staring for too long because she looked annoyed. "Listen, Dents, I have better things to do than stand here all day. So..." I was stunned at how forceful she was, now I know she was new. 

"Hey, I'm Murdoc. Want to skip class with me?" The girl looked stunned like this was the last thing she expected. 

Without missing a beat, she grabbed my hand and pulled me up. The girl started to walk off but stops to say, "Gabby, you have to know my name if we're going to skip," I grinned back and quickly catch up to her side. 

The two kids continue to walk the empty hall. Murdoc gazed roam to Gabby's face, her makeup was beautiful and that gave me an idea. Not a good one but I really want this. "I-I like your makeup..." She looks over with a confused look but realized what I was trying to do. 

She stops and looks around for an empty space. She quickly finds a vacant room, "Come on!" I follow her lead with no hesitation. 

"Okay, sit and I'll get my things. So, what kinda look you want? I can do punk and goth." I sit on an empty chair and contemplated the question.

"Goth." This felt embarrassing but I didn't care, this was something I wanted.

Gabby gave a warm-hearted smile and got out her set up.

~~~~~~~~~~

Now we were sneaking to the bathroom. We didn't have a mirror but we knew one place that does. "I am so serious! You look amazing, I have some serious skills." Gabby was acting so cocky but I loved it. 

For the first time in forever, I felt free...happy even. When we finally got to the restroom, she kept watch while I walk in to see the masterpiece. It was beautiful, eyeshadow was mixed with black, silver and a bit of red. The eyeliner around the eyes didn't just make my eyes pop but she made 3 sharp points with the eyeliner. My lips were nicely done with a black matte lipstick. I loved it. I walked out to see Gabby grinning smugly. That moment was actually the start of a beautiful friendship. 

~~~~~~~~~

The school was finally over and now I got to see Hannibal's surprise. While also showing my surprise. Gabby and I were walking out of the school, hoping that Hannibal would be proud that I finally got a friend. The two of us waited in front of the school, for a second I thought he forgot about me. Suddenly, we look over to a roaring sound and I couldn't believe my eyes. Hannibal had a motorcycle, black, and silver. Kinda old looking, like he got it from the dump but it just gave it personality. He stopped in front of us with a shit-eating grin. Gabby was first to break the 'awe' silence. "Holy shit is that your brother?! I've always wanted a motorcycle!! This is amazing!!" She had stolen the words from my mind.

Hannibal looked between us and it looked like something suddenly dawned on him. "What the hell is on your face?" Hannibal didn't look disgusted, no, he looked horrified or... Scared. 

"Calm down, it's just makeup." Hannibal didn't even acknowledge Gabby. 

Instead, he yanked me by the arm and started to try to take the makeup off. "Take it off now!" His hands were rough and the act of his hand rubbing my face was painful. 

Without a second to think, Gabby grabbed Hannibal's arm. "Stop that, what the hell! What's the big deal?" I felt cold seep through my body.

Hannibal didn't like people touching him too quickly or in general. He froze and looked over at Gabby. To my surprise, Hannibal took a deep breath. "Look, I don't care about the makeup. He can date blokes for all I care but if our father caught him with that." The way Hannibal said it sent shivers down my spine and I can't believe I forgot about dad. 

It's not a pleasant thought of walking in on my death sentence. The hand on Hannibal's arm fell to their owner's side and Gabby looked almost shocked. She then proceeded to take out a cloth, the cloth looked like she ripped it from a shirt. "Here, it's better than you crusty hand." She didn't make eye contact with either of us but her eyes showed so many emotions. 

She gave me a quick hug and started her walk home. "Wait, are you heading home?" Gabby stopped to look at Murdoc and smiled. 

"See you at school tomorrow, Muds."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc really tried to hide the fact he had makeup. But his effort was short-lived. 
> 
> Hannibal came back home to see a horrific scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter! ❤❤

~ Age12 ~

My grip tightens around Hannibal as he drove faster. They never tell you how much you can feel if persons mad by the way they drive. Hannibal was mad but I know it wasn't because of me. He was stressed. Trying to protect me from our dad was hard work. We finally get to the house and Hannibal parks out of view. "Hannibal, I'm sorry for causing trouble." Han got off the motorcycle.

"Don't apologize, I just don't want anything to happen to you. I know I go out a lot but I don't want to come back one day to find you..." Hannibal didn't finish, still, I knew what he was going to say.

The walk to the house felt long but when Hannibal took a turn to the back of the house. I blanked. "We are sneaking through the back. You still have eyeshadow on you and I'm going out with some friends." I shrugged and agreed.

It's not like the first for Hannibal to sneak through the back. "Come here." Hannibal held his hands together to give me a boost up a gigantic tree that led to our room. 

Climbing the tree was pretty rough but gave me a type of excitement that made me feel like I can do anything. I hoist myself to the window ledge, slipping a few times in the process. When I drop into my room I look out to see Hannibal glaring at me. "Stay in that room or I swear to God. I'll be back at 6. Don't let dad know you're there." I wave him off and threw my school stuff randomly in my room.

It's not even that late, 3:49 pm. The room was a mess and the realization kicked in when I saw the door to my room was open. Sadly, that wasn't the thing the troubled me, it was the sound of footsteps getting closer. The adrenaline gave me enough strength to reach the entrance, yet, I knew it was too late when the door was stopped. "What the hell are you doing? When did you get home?" I didn't dare look up, it wasn't a mystery what he was going to do.

He didn't like that. The door was forcibly opened, shoving me to the ground. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" The tension in the room only grew and Hannibal wasn't there to save me. 

Too long. I realized I didn't answer fast enough. My whole body jolted at the pain that went through my head. Dad snatched me by the hair to finally make me face him. "I said. Look. At. Me. When. Your-" He didn't finish.

He then brought my face closer to his. I tried not to gag, he had a strong smell of alcohol and cigarette. "Is that makeup? Does it look like I'm raising a Faggot!" The word made my heart drop.

I knew what was coming next. I closed my eyes and waited. Hoping that Hannibal would get here soon. 

~~~×~~~

Hannibal's hand glided with every stroke of the paint. He pulled the bandana that was around his neck higher onto his nose. To not breathe in the intoxicating fumes. Hannibal tried to hold back his laughter as he heard his friends stifling their giggles and snorts. "Han, this is bloody brilliant!" Hannibal stepped away from his masterpiece and sat back with his friends.

The art piece was a skeleton with a green mohawk and fleshed exploding. In big letters, it stated, "Punk's not dead" Hannibal felt his pride swell as he relaxed. 

"Uh, Hannibal, didn't you say that you needed to be back home at 6." The bigger teen jolted up.

The group watched as he grabbed his stuff in a panic. "Wait, what time is it!?" 10 pm, the mention of the time made Hannibal's stomach drop as he ran to his motorcycle.

The ride to the house was fuzzy, he didn't even know how he got there so fast. All Hannibal knew was he was blinded by anxiety. Each step Hannibal took to the front door was excruciating. "I'm home," Hannibal said when he walked into the house but didn't see his dad...nor his brother.

The house had an eerie stillness to it as he strode around the house. He got to his room to see Murdoc not there. The older brother felt his breathing start to quicken and his heart thumped hard against his ribs. Hannibal swallowed back the tears that were threatening to spill. There was one last place that Murdoc could be. 'Please, don't let him be in there. Please. I will never forgive myself if he's hurt.' Hannibal felt like his feet were weighted. 

He stood in front of his father's door, grabbing the doorknob. Hannibal's hand burn from the touch but he continued anyway. The entrance creaked open and the scene made Hannibal's blood spike. Murdoc sat by their father's leg while he cried into his right arm. His left arm was being held by their dad as he smoked. Murdoc's left arm was covered with burn blemishes. By the injuries, Hannibal can tell that their father finished a whole pack. Hannibal's body was the first to react as he snatched Murdoc from their dad's grip. "WHAT THE FUCK, YOU KNOB?! YOU ARE USING A KID AS A FUCKING ASHTRAY!! ARE YOU EVEN HUMAN?" Nothing. Their father sat there just smoking.

Murdoc hid behind Han clutching to his pants. Their father sat there blankly regard Hannibal's presence. "Watch your tone, Hannibal." He had no soul, he didn't give a fuck for his kids and he sure as hell is not concerned for the wounded younger brother.

Hannibal bit his tongue and dragged Murdoc out of the room.

~×~

The pain is unbearable. I let Hannibal drag me to the restroom and sat me on the counter. He angrily grumbled to himself as he got supplies for the damage. "I'm sor-" Hannibal slammed a bottle of pain relief gel onto the counter.

I jumped at the sudden motioned and sat under Han's glare. He then sneered. "Don't you dare apologize for that or anything! Just stop. You didn't ask for this!" Hannibal took a deep breath and tried to relax.

My lap became far more interesting as I contemplated what Hannibal said. However, I heard Hannibal plead, "Murdoc, wake up." I look towards my brother and pulled my injured arm closer to my chest.

Hannibal continued to get supplies for my wounds. Did he even speak? I whispered a stupefied, "What?"

"I said, let me see your arm." I didn't move an inch, did he say that.

I shake my head and tried to focus my thoughts back to reality. All this beating. All the degrading and humiliation. It was finally getting to me. And Hannibal left me alone with that nut. "No." 

Hannibal's expression hardens as he tried to keep his composer. "Stop being a git and hand me your arm. Now." The tired look was back and the guilt started to twist my stomach.

I let him examine my arm and do what he needed to do. Wincing when he dabbed at the injuries. Life is vicious sometimes but when you have someone to help you face it. It doesn't feel as threatening... Or alone. I really want to thank Hannibal but how. He has done so much and just saying 'thank you' won't be enough. 

~×~

From that day forward everything was becoming strange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Survive. Is what I go by.


End file.
